Have you ever felt tired of just… being a mommy?
That sounds a bit harsh, but I’m going to say it as it is. I love my kids to the next life and back, but this mommy is now tired. She is exhausted beyond comprehension and just needs a break! Oh why can’t I catch a break?!
Maternal exhaustion is such a real thing.
I remember about two years ago when my first son was 7 months old, I had literally had enough. I used to cry everyday because he used to cry non-stop! For any reason or no reason (he still does this 2 years on). But at that time, he also used to wake up every 45 minutes, 24 hours around the clock and wouldn’t sleep for hours! I was reaching my limit. No one told me I should do something about it as sadly we don’t always have the village to support us when we need it.
But luckily, it so happened that I was at a cafe with my friend the psychiatrist and was enjoying a lovely meal when my son started crying and yelling. He was only a little 7 month old human at the time but so loud he could have woken someone up from a coma. I slowly started losing it.. all the shhhushing and rocking wouldn’t stop him. Finally, I was so tired and broken that tears started rushing to my eyes, feeling helpless. My friend saw this and said to me, “Rashmi, you need a consistent break every week.” This incident is all too familiar to, dare I say, 99% of new mothers. It is such a shock! This motherhood thing. Oh wasn’t it so much easier when they are inside.
After that day, I started sending my son to stay with my mom once a week during the day. I started feeling like a whole new person. My mental stability was returning because I was by myself for a few hours which enabled me to catch up on sleep, drink my hot cup of tea, and catch up on all the household chores. I acknowledge that I was lucky here to have my mom to help out. But this made a world of difference to me. I was happier, recovering better, and less irritable at home which means a better relationship outcome.
Now, my second son is the complete opposite – quite, calm, sleeps well, feeds well. I think God felt pity and thought I need a break. I can even handle both the kids at home by myself all day and not lose my marbles! What a big change. Perhaps experience got the better of me and I know how to be more patient with the kids. Also, here is a list of things I started doing which have tremendously helped me this time round. Perhaps you could try some of these or come up with a list that suits you?
- re-engaged with my hobby which is to dance. Joined my dance class again where I am in another world altogether
- learnt meditation. This is an ongoing learning process but very effective
- joined a pilates class. I am doing different exercise classes every few weeks to mix things up
- decided that not all battles are worth fighting. This applies to any topic in my life
- picked up a routine at home that suits me
- keep the house as organised as I can because an organised home allows an organised brain to flourish
- set times to work solely on my business which I totally love. Husband looks after kids in this time
- put kids to bed early and on time every day. This gives both my husband and I time together to chill, or work on our respective businesses while being next to each other
- eat lots of salad, fruit and nuts. Makes me feel healthy and keeps my appetite in check
- keep hydrated – somehow keeps me energized!
I have only managed to do all these things now that my second boy is 5 months of age. As a new mommy, you are bound to feel that mental and physical exhaustion from lack of sleep. However I find that it gets better as the kids grow older, and you eventually start to put yourself on the map again. This exhaustion is a temporary thing I find. So hang in there as I am too for the second time.
I do feel tired of being a mommy from time to time. Sometimes, I just want to be that carefree do-whatever-you-like-and-eat-whatever-you-like Rashmi again. She was size 6 with long, thick hair. But then I think to myself.. I am still size 6 with the number turned upside down, and I have just supplied my hair to my boys so really, I am still me 😛 A happy, tired mommy.